Digging Out

By Del Moon, NSGA Storyteller

Monique Wilson, 61
Redondo Beach, California

Any parent will tell you that losing a child is one of the most difficult tragedies to overcome. Finding a pathway to return to everyday life is complex and can bring depression and other health issues.

Monique Wilson’s family was devastated when her son Erik died suddenly at age 29 after he took what he thought was medicine, but it was laced with fentanyl. The schoolteacher took the rest of the school year off and ultimately retired to allow herself to heal. However, Monique still lacked a direction to help her move forward.

A phone call from an old friend she had played volleyball with provided a ray of light, and that has led to a revived passion for volleyball and eventually to the 2023 National Senior Games presented by Humana. People might think going to play games would not be more than a distraction from grief. But, Monique found purpose and a team of women who supported and helped her get back on the court as a senior athlete and start enjoying life again.

In the following poignant edited interview, Monique shares her journey through a nightmare and how participating in sports has carried her to a new perspective and a forward-facing outlook. As expected, she says things will never be the same, but the tragedy no longer keeps her from living her best life.

As we talked, it was clear that it was very difficult for Monique to share details of her experience. She agreed to the interview because she had herself sought out stories of other mothers who lost a child on the Internet. These stories showed her that her feelings and emotions were normal, and now she wants her story told with the hope that it will help someone else in a similar situation.

Overcoming the challenges and obstacles everyone faces with a positive outlook and by pursuing a healthy and active lifestyle is a huge characteristic of living your Personal Best. Senior Games often provide a way for people to remake or improve their quality and duration of life, and we’re grateful that Monique Wilson has found a caring family and a meaningful activity with new friends.

Monique, thanks for agreeing to share your story with us. Let’s get some background. Were you always athletic and was volleyball your main sport?
Yes, my parents were more into the arts, but I was the only one out of seven kids that went into sports and athletics.

I did play volleyball. I’m tall, so when I was young, probably around the eighth grade, there were some PE teachers and coaches at the high school that saw the tall girl always playing sports on the playground, and they started recruiting me. They could see that I was athletic as well as tall, and I do have a competitive spirit. Straight out of Central Casting. [Laugh]

Did you play in college?
I did go to college, and I was offered to play but chose not to. I wanted to just get into the college scene, so that’s probably not a very good quote, but I played intramural volleyball and other sports.

I met my husband, Brad, when I was 17. I was a senior in high school. He was two years out at 19. He was an athlete, too, and played football, baseball and volleyball. He doesn’t play Senior Games, however. He has some knee and shoulder issues that prevents him from playing some sports, but he does kickboxing almost every day.

How many children did you have, and did you promote sports to them?
I had two children. We introduced both our kids to all the sports when they were young, and then they picked a few as they got older.

My daughter, Danielle, played sports through high school and college. She played volleyball and softball. She’s currently 37. My son Erik played football, baseball and golf. His goal was to letter in as many sports as he could. He ended up playing football for the University of Washington.

Erik played for Coach Steve Sarkisian. He was on the team for four years, most of the time as the quarterback for the scout team.

That’s a big job because you have to mimic the opponent’s quarterback each week, and you also get beat up.
Oh, yeah. The defense is going hard, so there was no letting up. He did suffer some concussions. He also suffered a knee injury and had a back issue. But he loved it. [Pause] It rocked our world when he passed away at only 29.

That’s tragic, Monique. We are so sorry for your loss. What happened, if you don’t mind sharing?
It was traumatic. He had just broken up with a girlfriend and moved home. Because of COVID, he had nowhere else to go.

He had just got a new job and was preparing to start the following week. And then Monday morning, we found him in his room. He had taken half a pill that looked like Xanax, but unfortunately, was laced with fentanyl. It was determined that he died immediately after taking it.

That is horrific. So many people have suffered because of that drug. Of course you were devastated to lose your son.
Our whole family spiraled into this tailspin of overwhelming grief. My daughter and son were very, very close. In fact, she and her husband were with him the night before he died. It definitely rocked our world, and we experienced all the grieving you would expect. We couldn’t eat, we couldn’t sleep and we gave up on exercise.

How did you finally start to feel coming out of it?
Well, we still grieve. After the funeral, I thought I’d go back to teaching to get my mind off of things. He died in April, so I took the rest of the school year off. I went back in August, and then my mother passed away a month into the new school year. She was 94 years old and ailing so it was expected, but still, this made things more difficult.

I spiraled again, and one day, I collapsed. I always had low blood pressure and a low heart rate, but it got dangerously low, because I wasn’t eating or exercising properly. I wasn’t living my normal life like before. I ended up in the hospital. My blood pressure and my heart rate dropped so drastically low that I now have to take medication to keep everything working properly. Now they’re saying I need to get a pacemaker.

That had to be your lowest point. How did you pull out of it?
It started with the kindness of my workmates. I was a schoolteacher and taught mostly fourth grade for my entire career. After I had collapsed, the teachers at work were generous and donated their sick days to get me through the rest of the year, so I could continue to heal. I ended up retiring because they happened to be offering a golden handshake at that same time. At this point, I was still kind of moping around, not really getting back to my old self.

Now, that was when Senior Games changed your trajectory, right?
Yes. A girlfriend who I used to play volleyball with called me and told me she is playing in an open gym league down in Orange County. She said, ‘I think you should play- it would be really fun.’ I was so reluctant and didn’t want to go down there. But then my husband said, ‘No, you need to go. You need to go.’ So I went down there and I ended up playing horribly. They played five games that day, and I could barely get through three. I was out of breath; my knee and lower back were hurting. I literally had to step off the court.

But it was definitely an eye-opening experience. I woke up the next morning thinking, ‘What the heck has happened to me? I need to start working out again.’ I began lifting weights and getting out to walk again. I was so sore, but just started to build from there.

My girlfriend got into pickleball and quit volleyball, so I thought I wasn’t going to be able to play in Orange County anymore. I didn’t really know any of these girls, but my husband encouraged me again, saying, “Just go by yourself. Who cares?’ So, one morning, I got dressed and went down there, and it opened up a whole new world. These ladies were just so nice. They didn’t know my story but were so encouraging and wanted me to come back and play.

Then, one of them called me and asked me to play on her Senior Games team. I had no idea this even existed. but it looked like something I might want to do, so I went to a tournament in Sonoma. I didn’t play great, but we did win the gold.

From there, I started lifting more weights, walking more and doing jump squats, and I got myself back in shape. We started playing more tournaments together. And now we play almost every month.

You played in your first National Senior Games in Pittsburgh in 2023, less than three years after the tragedy. How surprised are you that going out and playing a game is what was going to heal you?
100% surprised. And the healing is not over, I will always grieve for Erik. When I went to my first games in Sonoma, I needed my own hotel room because I literally went to my room every night and cried because it was the first time away from my family.

But my gosh, these girls helped me. They are amazing. It’s great to be involved in a team sport because the camaraderie on and off the court and the relationships are unbelievable. That’s what saved my life. When you play on a team, you get close fast when you’re staying in the same place. Soon everyone learned my story and these women have all been incredibly supportive.

Now, if I hit a ball and get a kill someone will shout, ‘There’s an Erik Wilson hit!’

What would you tell someone else who’s reading this and going through a similar kind of tragic situation?
When I was going through the worst of my grief, I would search and read other people’s stories online. Before I knew it, my feed was filled with these kinds of stories.

It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. And it gave me some inspiration to wake up and keep moving every day. I hope that people will read my story and know that they aren’t alone, too.

I’ve learned that you have to give yourself grace. I am not always going to have upbeat, perfect days. I still have periods of time to this day where these waves of grief take over, and I just cry. Reading other people’s stories taught me that it is completely normal.

Well, now you have something to look forward to, and you’ve got volleyball sisters who are helping you through a new journey. You’re going to be doing this for a long time, right?
Yes, that’s the goal. As long as I can stay in shape. It’s funny because when I went to my first tournament, I looked around the room and thought wow, there’s a bunch of old people. [Laugh] And I’m one of them. Then I quickly saw that these ladies are amazing athletes. It’s eye-opening to see the 80-year-old teams play.

Once, when I came home from a tournament, I told my husband, ‘Don’t let the gray hair fool you.’ Because these ladies are great athletes. I want to keep on playing until I can’t, that’s literally my goal now. I want to be that 80-plus person still playing and moving on the court.

Monique, we know this has been difficult to recount, but you know how much sharing your story may help somebody else, and we are proud to have you in our family.
Well, thanks for that. Like I said, other stories have inspired me, so it’s important to share mine.